FateStay Saiyuki
by kyuuketsuneko
Summary: Random snippets about Saiyuki characters being summoned as Servants. Oneshot crackfic. T for offensive language... because where would our favorite antiheroes be without running their foul mouths?


**Summary:** Random snippets about Saiyuki characters being summoned as Servants. Oneshot crackfic. T for offensive language... because where would our favorite antiheroes be without running their foul mouths?

**Disclaimer:** sadly I don't own F/SN or Saiyuki =w=.

**A/N:** I shall warn you all now that my sense of humour is quite terrible. Read on if you dare.

_What. The. Root?_

Counter Guardian EMIYA has been through many things. In fact, he's been through at least 27 different versions of the Fifth Grail War and has learnt much from every repeat of the war. _In fact,_ he mused to himself, _I'd be surprised if anything _could_ surprise me in the Fifth Grail War_.

And who could blame him?

He'd been through versions of the Grail War where he died fighting Berserker. He'd been through versions where he gave Shirou his arm. He'd even been through versions where he betrayed his Master only to fall at the blades of his younger self. In fact, he even recalled one version where Emiya Shirou was a Dead Apostle with two Servants.

And throughout these versions, he's met at least a dozen different Servants, but a few things never changed – Arturia was always summoned (either by Shirou or Rin), Kotomine was always creepy as hell, Sakura would always summoned Medusa (as Rider), and Ilya would summon some terribly OP fellow… so really, was it that unreasonable that he was staring, jaw long dropped to the ground, at 'Saber'?

"Er. Hiya?"

Archer waved back, still staring.

"Archer."

Staaaaaaaaare.

"Arrrrcher..!"

A hint of aggravation was making itself known in the tsundere's voice, but still, the Servant didn't respond. Couldn't.

"ARCHER STOP MAKING EYES AT SABER AND GET THE **** INSIDE THE HOUSE."

Snapped out of his thoughts, Archer gave a lopsided smirk and followed his short-tempered master. Things could be worse after all – at least that idiot didn't summon four Sabers or six Servants.

_Now that'd be a riot, _he chuckled to himself. Oh, if only he knew.

~X~

As the two Masters discussed the terms of their alliance (or rather, Rin was listing the conditions and Shirou was nodding – at least this world's Shirou knew about the Grail War), Archer studied the 'Saber' in front of him.

Tanned skin, short, spiked-up hair – you'd think he was dark-haired version of the Counter Guardian if it wasn't for the scar on his nose and those pointy ears.

Speaking of which, what was with those long, pointy ears anyway? Was he some kind of elf? A faerie?

As Archer mulled over the race of his fellow Servant, Saber decided he had had quite enough of standing around doing nothing, summoned his sword and proceeded to polish it (not that he needed to, but hey, at least it helped him pass time).

~X~

_Meanwhile:_

"Man, don't you have any babes around here?"

Kirei looked up from his paperwork, one eyebrow threatening to raise in incredulity.

"This is a church, if you haven't noticed."

"Church-smerch. I've seen smoking, drinking, gun-tooting Buddhist high priests. What's to say there aren't churches pack full of smoking hot chicks?"

"…"

Kirei began to wish he had left Lancer under Bazett's control. At least he'd be too busy flirting with her to annoy the priest.

"At least lemme call some girls over."

Kirei began to massage his temples.

It was going to be a long night, and the red-headed ahoge-bearing Servant was really not helping.

~X~

_And elsewhere_:

"Give me the book, you worthless bitch-"

_SPLURCH._

Zouken raised an eyebrow. Sakura stared, wide-eyed. Shinji… was a smear on the wall. A very big smear, but nonetheless a smear.

"Ara. I seem to have made quite a mess. I do apologise. I can wake up with quite a temper sometimes."

"Ah, it's fine," replied Sakura reflexively – after all, what else were you supposed to do when your Servant greets you so politely?

"Are you sure? I can clean it up in a jiffy."

"No, no, really, it's fine."

"If you insist."

The green-eyed Servant surveyed the basement for a moment and tsked, as if realising something important, yet annoying.

"I'm afraid I've forgotten the protocols."

"…?"

"I ask of you – are you my Master?"

"Ah… ye-yes! Yes, I am. Erm, and who would you be…?"

"Rider."

"Um… nice to meet you, Rider, I'm Sakura. Matou Sakura."

~X~

_And even further away, on a temple somewhere…_

"Don't you dare look at me with those pitying eyes," growled the red-haired youkai.

Now, it would be a well-justified complaint if: one, he wasn't about to disappear, two, the guy was _actually_ looking at him with pitying eyes (just how could a human stay so poker-faced when a youkai prince was dying in front of him anyway?) and three, he wasn't covered in mud and dragging himself along the ground.

Without a word, Kuzuki simply grabbed the youkai by the scruff of his neck (well, jacket really) and carried him home with him.

"Hey, wait a minute! Let me go! I have work to do and a mother to free!"

Kuzuki ignored him, and continued to walk, flailing Servant flung on one shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"GRRR! You dare treat me, Kougaiji, son of Gyumaoh and Caster of the Fifth Holy War with such disrespect?!"

By the name of Kanzeon Bosatsu, Kougaiji realised he was starting to sound more like a cranky blonde monk than himself. But who could blame him? It wasn't every day you get sucked into a weird otherworldly war while in the middle of a fight with Son Goku.

~X~

_Several months earlier:_

"GRAAAAAAAOOOOOH!"

"What's wrong, Berserker?"

"GRAAAAAOH!"

"You're hungry? Again?!" shrieked the albino half-homunculus. Nonetheless, she obliged her Servant, ordering Selaa and Leysritt to get Berserker some food. Again.

Seriously, the Servant was going to eat the Einzbern out of house and home at the rate he was going…

But he did move faster than the eye could see most of the time at least, so at least his strength was worth it.

Probably.

But by the Root, that appetite was just as monstrous! Nothing short of a gold card could feed this food-devouring monster!

~X~

_End of the 2__nd__ week of the Grail War:_

"Yaone?" gasped Caster, surprised that his 'summoning' somehow worked. When he had discovered that Engokuki wasn't summon-able, he decided to try summon a new familiar… and that was when he found himself summoning another Servant…

Seriously, what the Merciful Goddess was wrong with this War? Was it even allowed for a Servant to summon another one?

"Assassin at your-Lord Kougaiji?"

~X~

_Three minutes before the end of the Fifth Grail War:_

"SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU! OR I'LL SHOOT YOU!"

And shut up they did. Gilgamesh included. But of course, as we all know, the blondes in Fate/Stay Night never shut up for long. Especially ones in golden armour so sparkly they put vampires to shame.

"You cur, how dare you order a king!"

"A king? Pft. First time I've met one, and I'll kill you all the same."

"Yo-you dare threaten me?!" howled the sparkly golden one incredulously.

"Mm," grunted the blonde in response, as he lit a cigarette.

"Your death shall not come cleanly, dog. Name yourself before I rip you to shreds."

Purple eyes met red ones.

The elder (at least in appearance) male sighed.

"31st Genjo Sanzo, Servant Avenger."

"Fer real?" groaned a certain red-haired kappa Lancer (who was supposed to be dead).

"I believe so," noted the calm, monocle-wearing Rider (who was also supposed to be dead).

"GRAAAAAAH," roared the golden-eyed berserk… Berserker (who… is immortal as long as the world exists, but should be backstage pretending he's dead).

**A/N:** It should be pretty obvious as long as you've seen even a picture Saiyuki but the Servant line-up is:  
**Archer**: CG EMIYA (the only non-Saiyuki Servant)

**Saber**: Dokugakuji

**Caster**: Kougaji

**Assassin**: Yaone

**Lancer**: Gojyo

**Rider**: Hakkai

**Berserker**: Goku

**Avenger**: Sanzo.

Meh. I have nothing to say for myself.


End file.
